Built On The Rock

I read a familiar passage of Scripture the other day.  One that I have read many times before and even sung about with my children.  It's the parable Jesus told of the wise and foolish men.  The foolish man built his house on the sand and when the rain and storms came, his house crashed.  It couldn't stand because it had no foundation.  The wise man, however, built his house on the rock and when the rain and storms came, his house stood firm.  It was with new eyes that I read this the other day.  I am continually amazed at how verses that I have read a hundred times suddenly have new meaning.

Anyway, I realized for the first time what this story is really about.  Ever since I can remember, my parents have taught me to put my trust in Jesus.  To believe in Him.  To follow Him.  And really, that was pretty easy to do growing up.  I had a good childhood.  Of course no one's life is perfect and without difficulty but mine was overall a pretty easy life.  Parents who loved me.  A roof over my head.  Food in my belly.  Clothes on my back.  Friends, family, an education, and eventually an amazing husband and two kids.  Life was good.  I couldn't complain.

But all that changed on June 16.  My "perfect world" came crashing down around me.  For the first time in my adult life I was faced with a heartache I wasn't sure I could get through.  But through all of this turmoil and sorrow one thing remains.  My faith.  Because of the foundation I have, because of the Rock I have chosen to build my life on, I know that I WILL get through this.  When the wind and the rain and the storms of life assail me, I will not be shaken.  And it's because of the Rock.  Without Him I would have crumbled by now.  I would not be standing.  I would have absolutely no hope and 100% complete despair.

I am reading Philip Yancy's book "Where is God When It Hurts?" and it is phenomenal.  I am learning so many new things and being reminded of so many others.  I was reminded that "faith in God offers no insurance against tragedy".  Bad things happen to good people.  That is the fallen world we live in.  I may never know why our son died and I have to accept that.  I cannot focus on the whys.  Instead I have to focus on my reaction to this.  What am I going to do with this situation?  Am I going to let it get me down and ruin me?  Or am I going to let it develop me and glorify God?  Romans 5:3-5 talks about rejoicing in suffering.  That doesn't mean being happy that Matthew died.  It means mourning him but also rejoicing in the fact that I can grow from this.  "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (verses 3-4)  Yancy says that "a quality like perseverance will only develop in the midst of trying circumstances."

The book talks a lot about our free will and how because God gave us free will, we live in a world that is, quite frankly, crappy a lot of times.  Another quote from the book I love says, "God wants us to choose to love Him freely, even when that choice involves pain, because we are committed to Him, not to our own good feelings and rewards.  He wants us to cleave to Him, as Job did, even when we have every reason to deny Him".  Do I think my situation is fair?  Absolutely not.  I get angry thinking about it.  How is it even fair that after trying to conceive for nearly a year we finally got pregnant, only to lose our baby 16 weeks later?  How is it fair that I not only miscarried but had to deliver and bury our child?  What is fair about losing your child before you even get the chance to feel them move inside you?  Please, tell me, how is any of this fair????  The short answer is, it's not.  Not even close.  But life isn't fair and it does me no good to shake my fists at God and be angry with Him.  Did God know that we would lose Matthew?  Yes.  Did He want us to lose Matthew?  No.  I cannot claim to understand God or His plan or how He runs the universe.  I just know He is sovereign and He knows more than I do.  I can accept this and let it develop me into a better person or I can refuse or deny it and let myself be angry and bitter the rest of my life.  I have to rely on my faith right now.  Faith that is built on the Rock.  Yancy quotes Rabbi Abraham Heschel as saying, "Faith like Job's cannot be shaken because it is the result of having been shaken."

So I guess I write all of this more as a pep talk/reminder to myself than anything.  As easy as it would be to wallow in self-pity and to remind myself how unfair this all is, I cannot let myself do that.  I must remember what Yancy says:  "Where is God when it hurts?  He is in us--not in the things that hurt--helping to transform bad into good.  We can safely say that God can bring good out of evil; we cannot say that God brings about the evil in hopes of producing good."  Keep remembering that, Amanda...