Isabelle Grace, Our Rainbow Baby

Well here she is!  Our much anticipated, long awaited, covered in prayer rainbow baby arrived safely on Sunday August 11.  And now here I am, sitting in a quiet house while my parents are out taking a much deserved break and Jonathan and the kids are down the street at a birthday party.  It's just me and my little Bella.  So while she sleeps next to me I thought I'd take some time to write down all the events of the past week.  Because I certainly don't want to forget any part of her amazing story.

Last Friday I had an amniocentesis done to determine whether or not her lungs were fully mature.  A few hours after the procedure, I got the call--we had mature lungs are were set to be induced Saturday evening!  Saturday drug on forever.  I just wanted to get to the hospital and get this whole process started!  I was ready to meet this baby!!  Finally Jonathan and I headed out around 7 and got to the hospital and got checked in and settled into our room.  Just seeing the empty bassinet with the blankets laid out waiting to be wrapped around our- newborn's tiny body had me so excited and anxious to begin!  They discovered that I was already about 2 cm dilated so they started me on some medication to get me dilating more.  After four hours of that, when it was time for another dose, I had not dilated any more but was having lots of contractions.  Since those contractions were basically pointless, as they were not helping me dilate at all, they decided not to give me any more of that medication and instead to start the pitocin around 2:30am.  Once I was on the pitocin, my contractions started getting much more intense and regular.  However, around 6am I was still only dilated around 2 or 3 cm so I had to wait for the doctor to decide whether she wanted to break my water or do something different to get things going more.

At 8:15am they broke my water and informed me that I would probably have some stronger contractions now.  Wow, they weren't kidding.  My pain level jumped from around a 6 to an 8 and I was really struggling.  I went into it not completely sure I wanted an epidural.  I had one with Luke and Addie but I was nervous about whether an epidural would carry any more risks since I have this autoimmune disorder now.  The anesthesiologist came in to discuss that with me and assured me that I was not at any higher risk for complications due to my disorder.  Once I heard that, any thoughts of having a natural birth went out the window as I thought I was surely going to die.  I was only dilated at a 5 and there was no way I could picture myself making it who knows how many more hours until delivery!  So about an hour after they broke my water I got my epidural and all was well with the world again. :)

Once they got me started on the epidural I had some issues with my blood pressure dropping and the baby's heartrate dropping but they eventually got that all figured out so it wasn't an issue any more.  It was a little nerve wracking there for a while, though, as they weren't sure what was causing the baby's heartrate to keep going down with every contraction.  At 12:30 I was dilated to a 7 and shortly after Dr. Avery checked me, I started having horrible back pain.  I've never experienced back labor with my other kids so this was all new.  It was so painful and I could not get comfortable.  I was starting to feel a lot of pressure too so the nurse offered to check me again to see if I had dilated anymore, even though it had only been about an hour since Dr. Avery had.  When she checked she let out a little laugh and said I was about ready to deliver this baby and not to sneeze or cough or else that baby would come out before the doctor got there!  By the time all the doctors and nurses got in the room and got everything set up I was so miserable and ready for it to be over!  They finally told me I could push on my next contraction and just like that, with one contraction, our rainbow baby came into the world!  We were so excited to find out whether we had a boy or a girl and they laid the baby right on me and asked me what it was.  Through my tears, I saw we had another beautiful baby girl!  They let me do skin to skin contact with her for probably an hour, which I didn't have with my other kids.  It was so amazing just to have her there with me and to bond with her.  Meanwhile, my poor parents were out in the hallway and could hear her crying but still didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl!  Isabelle Grace Athearn was born at 1:57pm weighing 7 pounds even and measuring 20 1/2 inches long.  She was by far my fastest labor and delivery.

So now here we are six days later, getting used to life with a newborn.  She was born three and a half weeks early, so technically she is considered a late preterm baby.  She's been dealing with some jaundice and preterm babies tend to have eating issues but so far she is nursing like a champ.  To look at her and think about this whole journey makes me so in awe of God's goodness and faithfulness.  On Thursday, I took her in to see the doctor to check her weight and bilirubin levels.  Thursday was August 15.  Fourteen months to the day since I was in the exact same doctor's office for a very different reason.  It was 14 months ago that I was told our sweet Matthew no longer had a heartbeat.  And now here I was, 14 months later, holding a healthy new baby.  What a difference 14 months makes.  To think of all the healing that has taken place and all the things God has taught me and now to see how He has blessed us with this new life takes my breath away.  Having Isabelle makes me wonder all the more about what Matthew would have looked like and been like.  My brain sometimes makes me go crazy thinking about all the what ifs.  So it's a bittersweet thing for this momma to hold my newborn child while still mourning the loss of our son.

Anyone who knows Jonathan and I will know that when it comes to picking baby names, we don't exactly have the greatest track record.  We have a hard time agreeing on names and this time was no different.  I really wanted a name that had a strong meaning.  He just wanted a name he liked.  We were having a hard time compromising. lol  We finally agreed on Isabelle Grace when she was about five hours old or so.  That's much better than poor Addison, who wasn't named until she was over a day old!  I found a couple meanings for Isabelle, both of which I like.  The website I was using to find baby names said that Isabelle means "God's promise".  I love that.  She is our promise from God.  Our promise of His faithfulness and His love and mercy.  His promise never to leave us or forsake us in our time of grief and sorrow.  I also had a baby book I was looking through that said Isabelle means "consecrated to God."  I feel like that fits perfectly too because, as with each of our other kids, God has given us these children to take care of and we in turn give them right back to Him.  They are His and we have promised with each of them to raise them according to His will.  So for Isabelle's name to mean that she is dedicated to God fits perfectly.  Her middle name was pretty easy for us to agree on.  We have experience God's grace like never before these past 14 months.  It just seemed fitting to use that in her name to remind us of that.

So there you have it!  One extremely long and detailed birth story. :)  If you made it to the end, I'm impressed.  We cannot thank everyone enough for all their prayers on behalf of our sweet Isabelle.  Knowing how many people prayed for her really is mind boggling.  She had a whole army of prayer warriors covering her in prayer since the very beginning.  This has been a long journey that has been scary at times and filled with uncertainty.  But it has been a beautiful journey.  And now we begin another journey.  A journey that includes a new member of our family.  Sweet little Bella, you are so loved and cherished.  I am so grateful to God for sending you into our lives.  You were worth every hardship we had to endure to get you here.  And you were worth all 18 doctor appointments, 9 nonstress tests, 10 ultrasounds, and 155 shots I had to give myself. :)  Welcome to the world baby girl...